I don’t naturally exist in a state of forgiveness. I am hard and harsh on myself and I have to work at it.
My default mode is judgment and cynicism. I catch myself putting pressure on myself– to have things figured out, to be “successful” (what does that even mean?), to be the best. Some amount of accountability is good– we need to hold ourselves accountable for our dreams. Dreams often do not have timelines, so it’s necessary to check in. But will we ever really have it figured out?
Absolutely fucking not.
There will come a time when you fail hard. You might be dealing with it as you’re reading this. You have a few options.
OPTION 1: Give up.
OPTION 2: Figure it out for today. Just today.
Why do we think we need to know how the story ends? The story is in a constant state of being written.
Failures are necessary in the big picture. They help us learn and grow and change. Not everything goes the way we think it will, not everything fits into the “plan” the way we pictured it would.
But take away the pressure that you have to know how the story will end. You have the option to just figure it out for today.
Heartbreak, disappointment, struggle, failure, mistakes, debt. Anything can stop you in your tracks.
But what do the next five minutes look like?
Life is a series of figuring out the next five minutes. It never has to be perfect, it just has to be something. There are times when we don’t excel– we just get by. Sometimes, that is enough.
Some days I wake up and I just don’t want to play. I want to opt out. I want to take a break, I wish it would all just slow down. But that’s not how it works. We get to experience this beautiful mess of our lives and that is a true privilege even when it doesn’t feel like it at all. Even when it is hard, even when it hurts.
This thing, it’s a puzzle– the pieces are moving, and a lot of the time we feel like we are trying to put it all together drunk and blindfolded.
When things are blurry, when they feel broken, when everything seems overwhelming, just figure it out for today. You don’t need to know how the story ends. You are writing it.
Feature photo by Garrett King.