Last April, I was on a beach in Thailand lost in my mind, thinking about my choices and reflecting on the end of my two-year relationship.
Just a few days before, I was on a plane from Christchurch to Bangkok, unable to sleep, saturated with a despair I didn’t know I could come out of. I landed in Bangkok exhausted, confused and truly by myself for the first time in years. But I didn’t feel lonely. And that was weird.
My thoughts were different. I felt like myself, and that made me wonder if I hadn’t been myself throughout my relationship. I realized I didn’t have to censor myself anymore. And even with those thoughts, I wondered if I should try to salvage my relationship.
Fast forward through a day of dusty tuk tuk rides, a sleepless night train and a ferry at dawn, and there I am on that beach, speaking my mind in broken Spanish to a woman I just met. I said I was lost, I was indecisive, I was floating.
“You have a coin. One side means staying in your relationship. The other side means leaving it. When it is in the air, which side do you hope it will land on?”
Her words made me want to put my feet firmly on the ground. I knew instantly. I wanted to be myself—really re-defined and deliberate, and I wanted to love that person. I hadn’t really loved who I was over those two years, and it wasn’t going to happen if I ran back into the comforts of the relationship I knew so well.
My body seemed to know what the next step was for me, and I chose the side of the coin that felt right. I trusted myself.
Nine months later I am happy. I am proud of who I am and the company I keep. There’s a sense of true clarity that wasn’t there before; a new self-awareness, bravery and confidence.
This isn’t at all about bashing my relationship. My relationship was great. I learned so much from it. He’s an amazing person. But he’s not the person for me.
This is about making yourself the most important person in your life, maximizing the amount you can learn about that person, and then treating that person really ridiculously freaking well.
Do you have a tough decision to make in life or love? When the coin is in the air, which side do you hope for?