You Are Not for Everyone

You are great.

I mean it. I don’t care what your thing is, I believe that you are great at something. And you can be great at a lot of different things.

But no matter how great you are at however many amazing, impressive or important things, no amount of expertise, experience, or passion will mean that everyone will like you.

Let yourself off the hook. Great news: you don’t have to be for everyone, because no matter how hard you could possibly try, you never will be.

It’s easy to feel like the ultimate goal is to be well-liked.

I remember in middle school wanting desperately to be one of the popular kids– to wear certain clothes and act a certain way. But I could never contort myself enough to fit into that mold.

In a way, we never actually graduated from middle school. Society and culture teach us how we should be or what we should do in order to please people, and never ourselves. The mold still exists, the shape changes, and still, we try to stretch into things that we just weren’t made for.

To start writing on the internet, I had to embrace my own shape and get over being well-liked. I am not a passive person. I don’t really “do” subtle, and I’ve never tried to be objective here. But disagreement still hurts. I had to get over the friction that comes with it, and I had to take things much less personally.

What was the other option? Staying quiet? Nah. I’ll pass.

The real goal is not, and was never, to be well liked. The real goal is to live so deeply in our truths that we simply know that the people around us love us for who we are, and never for what we do. What you do becomes simplistic when you compare it to the much bigger picture of who you are.

Doing anything at all that you believe in– doing anything with conviction– means that someone will disagree. Your work and your words won’t resonate with everyone.

But it’s not our job or our responsibility to be for everyone. It’s not possible to be for everyone. When everyone agrees with us, we may be neutral. We may be lukewarm. Neutral for the sake of an unrealistic mold is just not a place to live.

When we dilute ourselves in the name of being well-liked, it may satiate our ego temporarily, but it does so at the expense of the impact that could have been made if we had lived in the strongest sense of ourselves.

So rest easy. You don’t have to be for everyone. When you find the people who really get you, they will be in it for the right reasons. They will be in it for you– who you really are, unfiltered.


Feature photo by BC Serna.

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  • Reply
    December 15, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    Very well said! I struggle with being a people-pleaser, but since I’ve made a more conscious effort to brush off what other people think, it’s been much more freeing.

  • Reply
    December 15, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    Yup. I used to care, a lot. Now I ask myself, if I had an extra 10 minutes, is this a person I would spend that time with? No? Then why am I wasting time I don’t actually have caring what he thinks?

  • Reply
    December 16, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    love this – Thanks Erin!

  • Reply
    December 16, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    Thank you for your true words. Working on it and probably will have to tell myself a few more times along the way 🙂

    • Erin Sullivan
      Erin Sullivan
      December 20, 2016 at 9:00 am

      I have to tell myself this every day!! You got it.

  • Reply
    December 21, 2016 at 9:50 pm

    This is such a great post! I often have to remind myself of the truth that not everyone will like you, and trying to please everyone can become so exhausting. I’ve lost myself many times trying to be who I thought others would accept- so I’m slowly learning how to just be myself. It’s much harder than it sounds but it’s so liberating. Thank you for this Erin!


    • Erin Sullivan
      Erin Sullivan
      December 23, 2016 at 3:05 pm

      Absolutely – it is so exhausting trying to fit into molds we weren’t meant for! You got this. xo

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